The death of a loved one is always a difficult time that no one can avoid. Healing can be a long, ongoing process for a recently deceased friends and family. The following made sure though that they went out leaving one last smile on the faces of the people that were special to them.
This family has the best nick names
James Ward was 39 years old when he passed away in 2006. To his family, he was better known as “Beef,” “Pork” or “Bubba.” Of course, his family was not to be outdone. Highlights from his surviving family in his obituary include his beloved mother “Buffalo Butt” Barbara Jean (how many people can get away with calling their mother that?), his father “Old Fart” Richard or his sister “Turtle” among others.
He saved the sweetest for the fiancé he left behind, “Light of his life” Annie.
Beef, beloved son of Buffalo Butt and Old Fart
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Bill Eves, 1937-2014. We are all richer for knowing not to hold in your farts.
Mr. Eves, world renowned expert on fart safety
On Saturday February the 8th Molson’s stock price fell sharply on the news of Bill Eves’ passing. Senior executives at Molson called an emergency meeting to brace for the impact of the anticipated drop in sales.
As a highly regarded principal for 33 years with the separate school board he created many fond memories for staff, students and families. After his retirement he pursued some of his many hobbies including cooking, carpentry, gardening and sending daily joke emails to family and friends. Perhaps most important to Bill was educating people on the dangers of holding in your farts. Sadly, he was unable to attain his life-long goal of catching his beloved wife Judy “cutting the cheese” or “playing the bum trumpet” — which he likened to a mythical rarity like spotting Bigfoot or a unicorn. He also mastered the art of swearing while being splattered by grease cooking his famous wings. In fact, he wove tapestry of obscenities that still hangs over the Greater Kingston Area.
Browns fan can’t resist getting in one last dig
Scott Entsminger was a life-long, season ticket holding Cleveland Brown fan who passed away at 55. After retiring from his career as an auto worker, he spent his time offering his advice to team management on how the team should be run. Given their recent success, it couldn’t have hurt to have given him a shot. Clearly Scott had a good sense of humor, as you can see from the one last ribbing he gave his favorite team in his obituary.
He respectfully requests six Cleveland Brown pall bearers so the Browns can let him down one last time.
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This guy has the right way of thinking
Jack Jones obituary seems straightforward enough — until you get to the final line. He’s got the right idea if you ask me.
Jones. Jack Jones.
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Bill loved to fist bump strangers
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Right to the end, at age 91, he would do things like pushing fist bumps at perfect strangers, playing boogie woogie and other foot- tapping piano right in front of innocent people, and racing to beat other oldsters to empty chairs (which is how he tripped and broke his hip, leading eventually to his well-earned demise).
Thanks to the Vikings, Emmett couldn’t shave
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A longtime member of Vasa Lutheran Church, not only did he sing in the church choir since he was 18, he also helped dig the church basement. Many will remember Emmett for his unforgettable beard, something that he’s had since 1975 when the Vikings lost the Super Bowl to the Steelers. A staunch Vikings fan, the beard was not coming off until the Vikings won a Super Bowl. Needless to say, Emmett died having never shaved his beard. More than the Vikings, farming and education, his family was most important to Emmett and he loved them dearly.
Man writes his own obituary, leaving some surprising confessions
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Now that I have gone to my reward, I have confessions and things I should now say. As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Also, I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn’t even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters “PhD” even stood for.
Well, that must have been quite the eyeopener for his coworkers considering he was an electrical engineer!
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